Children Living in Violence
Children Experiencing Violence At Home
- Learn to expect humiliation, disrespect and violence in close relationships
- Learn to use violence as a problem-solver and as a way to control others
- Learn to get their needs met by using threats and intimidation
- Learn to blame others for their problems and actions
- Learn poor communication skills
- Do not learn to express anger without being cruel and abusive
- Do not develop healthy self-esteem
- Become isolated because they are unable to trust others
- Take on adult roles by separating fighting parents, protecting and defending the abused parent, or parenting and protecting younger siblings
- Develop physical symptoms such as headaches, stomach aches, ulcers, stuttering, bed wetting, sleep and eating disorders
- Feel guilty because they feel that they violence is their fault – try to be “extra good” so it won’t happen again.
- Feel alone and that their world is out of control
- Feel powerless because they can’t stop the abuse
- May experience long-term depression and flashbacks of the violent episodes they have witnessed
- Copy by withdrawing and denying, or abusing alcohol and drugs
- Live in constant fear
Children Living in Violent Households
0-1 YEAR OLDS
WAYS OF BEING DRAWN IN
- Seeing it
- Hearing it
- Being awakened by it
- Being injured by it
- Being ripped from mother’s arms
- Having toys broken
- Being born prematurely
- Being hit while in mom’s arms
- Being thrown
EFFECTS OF ABUSE
- Physical injury
- Death
- Fright
- Being traumatized by it
- Sleep disturbances
- Eating disturbances
- Being colicky or sick
- Insecurity because of being cared for by a traumatized mom
- Not responsive or cuddly
2-4 YEAR OLDS
WAYS OF BEING DRAWN IN
- Seeing it
- Hearing it
- Trying to stop altercation
- Becoming abused themselves
- Being used as a physical weapon against the victim
- Being interrogated by perpetrator about victims activities
- Being held hostage by perpetrator
EFFECTS OF ABUSE
- Acting out violently
- Withdrawal
- Trouble with other kids
- Delayed toileting
- Eating problems
- Nervous, jumpy
- Sleep problems
- Insecurity, fear and Depression
5-12 YEAR OLDS
WAYS OF BEING DRAWN IN
- Seeing it
- Hearing it
- Trying to stop altercation
- Becoming abused themselves
- Being used as a physical weapon against the victim
- Being interrogated by perpetrator about victims activities
- Being held hostage by perpetrator
EFFECTS OF ABUSE
- Acting out violently
- Withdrawal
- Trouble with other kids
- Delayed toileting
- Eating problems
- Nervous, jumpy
- Sleep problems
- Insecurity, fear and Depression
Effects of Domestic Violence on Older Children
TEENS (BOYS & GIRLS)
WAYS OF BEING DRAWN IN
- Killing/trying to kill perpetrator
- Trying to stop the abuse
- Hitting parent or siblings
- Becoming physically abused
- Being used as a spy
- Being used as a confidante
- Being coerced by perpetrator to be abusive to mom
EFFECTS OF ABUSE
- School problems
- Social problems
- Sexual activity
- Shamed & embarrassed
- Truancy
- Superachiever at school
- Tendency to get serious relationships too early to escape home
- Depression
- Suicide
- Alcohol/drug use
- Confusion about gender roles
EFFECTS SPECIFIC TO BOYS ONLY
- Learning that males are violent
- Learning to disrespect women
- Using violence in his own relationships
- Confusion or insecurity about being a man
- Attacking parents or siblings
FFECTS SPECIFIC TO GIRLS ONLY
- Learning that male violence is normal
- Learning that women don’t get respect
- Accepting violence in her own relationships
- Embarrassed about being female
- Becoming pregnant